Good evening!
I have arrived home. So far its going
great! I am so excited to see my family and ready to be pleasant and
kind. But who knows how I will feel in 10 days... I don't want that to
change. I don't want to end up in the same emotional state I usually get
in whenever I am in this house with these people. I want to avoid it as
much as possible.
That means I need to get out even when I
don't want to. I need to have devotionals, pray, see my friends, take
walks, maybe find a way to make money. ANYTHING. I will not be a
miserable person. I will be a good member of the family. Not a hater.
Because I love them. They're the most important people in my life. I
won't lose that.
Gosh, I'm dramatic. But I have to be. I
really do lose my mind and hate people. It's awful and I don't want to
be like this anymore. I don't want to let it happen anymore. What
happens is that a friend or loved one will do or say something and it
annoys me, and anytime they do or say that thing it makes me even more
annoyed every time. It snowballs until I have convinced myself that they
are terrible people and I can't love them anymore. So I give them the
cold shoulder. I will do this for a long time. Eventually I will get
over it, but there's nothing I can do to make up that lost time whenever
I was a complete jerk.
I am vowing to not let myself do it
anymore. To call myself out. And I'm starting this break. Because I know
it will happen again.
So that's my first goal this break. Stay tuned for more.
-Camille
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