Christmas Break Day 1

   Good evening!
   I have arrived home. So far its going great! I am so excited to see my family and ready to be pleasant and kind. But who knows how I will feel in 10 days... I don't want that to change. I don't want to end up in the same emotional state I usually get in whenever I am in this house with these people. I want to avoid it as much as possible.
   That means I need to get out even when I don't want to. I need to have devotionals, pray, see my friends, take walks, maybe find a way to make money. ANYTHING. I will not be a miserable person. I will be a good member of the family. Not a hater. Because I love them. They're the most important people in my life. I won't lose that.
    Gosh, I'm dramatic. But I have to be. I really do lose my mind and hate people. It's awful and I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't want to let it happen anymore. What happens is that a friend or loved one will do or say something and it annoys me, and anytime they do or say that thing it makes me even more annoyed every time. It snowballs until I have convinced myself that they are terrible people and I can't love them anymore. So I give them the cold shoulder. I will do this for a long time. Eventually I will get over it, but there's nothing I can do to make up that lost time whenever I was a complete jerk.
    I am vowing to not let myself do it anymore. To call myself out. And I'm starting this break. Because I know it will happen again.
    So that's my first goal this break. Stay tuned for more.

   -Camille

Dear Blog and the one random guy who reads it

My dad is over. Yay.
I have stuck my earbuds in and found a show to switch to in case he has the gall to walk through my door and try and speak to me.
But I doubt he will.
I just heard the front door open and I think he is leaving.
He's taking my little sister with him. She's gonna spend a couple of nights with him.
I really wish she wasn't going with him. Even though the responsibility of taking care of her all weekend while mom is gone will be lifted from my shoulders, I would rather have her be with me than with our father.
This whole separation thing is working great for him, he only has to be our father when he feels like it. Yep, awesome for him.
I think he's gone. Unless he wants to chat with my brother before he goes. Thats a definite possibility.
That is all.
P.S. He also stole Netflix from us. That is just one thing you can't get up from.

A Letter

Dear Cruel World,

I am sitting in in my house doing nothing of consequence. But see I rather like it. You may tell me that it's awful, that I should have dragged myself out of bed to go to my Algebra class, but honestly, I don't give a whit. I feel rather light-hearted and carefree.

If only I could always feel carefree. If only other people would stop telling me I shouldn't be feeling carefree. They're right. I'm really not so carefree. I'm just avoiding responsibilities and such.

But damn it, I can't think of why these responsibilities should be so dang important to me. There's a reason why I'm careless, I don't care about these particular responsibilities. It's more obligation to me right now than anything else.

And what's worse than obligation? What makes you want to run away faster than obligation? Danger maybe? Impending doom?

Algebra feels like an obligation. A career feels like an obligation. Having money.... Well that is definitely something I want.

Anyway World, the point of all this is to tell you that you suck.

Sincerely, Camille

Sooooo.
I am sitting on my bed, not writing my government research papers. What is wrong with me? Why do I do this to myself? Do I hate myself? Do I want me to suffer?
OF COURSE NOT!!!!

And yet.

I have new hair! It's pretty.
Yeah.
That's all.

Oh Professor Kershaw...

Kershaw is my Government 2301 professor and he is someone who bores me to tears. He looks to be almost 60 and seems like a nice old man, which he is. But he's also monotone and he likes to hear himself talk. And he's a good talker. But what I need is a lecture, not a ramble from a nice old man. And so, I write for 75 minutes as he rambles. I take notes from the book later, don't worry. :)

Honestly, I really hate that I've spent so much money on that class. I teach myself, out of the book. Kershaw hits a point loudly and repetitively, then rambles on about something that is indirectly related to it and has no business being in our notes for about 10 minutes, before hitting on the next point and doing the same thing! He does it all with the same tone of voice, no difference in pitch or anything. I've tried taking notes, and it just can't be done. You end up sitting, staring at the wall behind him, for the longest 75 minutes of your life! It's just not right. That is why I write letters and such and take notes from the book later.

I have written 4 letters (all more than 2 pages long and written on both sides) and one journal entry (3 pages long written on both sides!) in there. It's quite a productive writing time for me. I can already see a difference in my writing and I'm enjoying it more. I'm also learning a lot about myself. Plus, my friends get letters! What's better than that? 

I have his test on Wednesday. I'm not excited at all. :/

These entries are very short. I don't like that. I want them to be longish. But I have a short attention span. I really think I'm kind of ADD. My parents don't agree. Hm. One of us is wrong, and I'm pretty sure it's them... I think I know myself way better. But what can I prove?

Okay, off to shower! :)

Thanks for reading!!!

Question: What is your favorite book?

Eyes glued to the computer screen.

Hey there. I am staring at my computer screen. I can't seem to put it away. The computer, I mean. I'm addicted. It's not healthy.

I'm really sleepy right now. I'm yawning. I should be putting this laptop away, turning it off, and opening Trickster's Choice. But I can't because my eyes won't move off from the screen.

I think I'm going to need to have a day free of my computer. It's necessary at times, times when I let myself just stare at it for hours on end; watching YouTube, checking Facebook, checking eBay, checking my e-mail, and watching Netflix. I seem to forget that there are other things to do besides watching multiple episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This is one of those times.

I've been watching Buffy the Vampire a lot. I'm in the middle of season two. Bleh. One day, I watched seven episodes! SEVEN!!!! I have issues!!!

I mean, I have a book I need to finish and more waiting after, homework that needs to be done, and then there's the future to think about! What college am I going to go to after I finish my basics at the community college? What am I going to do after college?

Wow. That just got way more complicated than it was supposed to. I was just ranting about how I can't seem to turn my computer off and actually do something with my life. I could make a YouTube video (scary thought!), I could write a blog (doing that now!), I could pursue my love of food (who knows, maybe I could do something with that?), I could write a short story (I really need to practice that if I love it so much), and I could do my homework! The possibilities are endless.

I like my computer though. It does bring me some joy. YouTube is better than television, Facebook keeps me in the social world, eBay helps me earn some extra cash, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer is just downright awesome. So I guess I'll keep it. I just need to moderate my time on it. Fun fun.

Question: What's the website you could spend hours upon hours on??

ALONE!!!!!

Ahhh!!!! I have not been alone for 2 days! It may not seem that long, but it is. I feel so calm and peaceful right here. In my bathroom. I'm sitting on the sink, calm down.

But seriously, I was being very touchy and ready to strangle anyone who said anything I perceived as negative towards me. :P

That is all.